One of my regular clients wrote me a little ditty yesterday. He’s keen to be published, so here it is:

There is a girl named Sarita

I can never wait to meet her.

She is so nice, she gives me spice

And I wish that I could keep her!

Thank you to Ian,  who has made up many little songs about me, all lovely but none published until now   xxx

Got an email this morning, apparently from a woman. I say apparently, as it was a female name, but for some reason I’m doubtful a woman would be bothered to ask me in great detail about giving breast relief! Can I give her any tips, ’she’ says? Well my answer is this: grow a huge full pair of 38ks, get youself some baby oil and you’ll find it just comes naturally!

On the subject of weird people, I had the same man calling me twice this morning, the second time pretending he’d never spoken to me in his life before. Why do that, when obviously his phone number has come up twice in my recent calls list?

And finally, a nice chap called my attention to an escort advertising on an Irish Site, using my pictures. She says she is 23 (had a good laugh at that!) but says her bust size is 42e. I just don’t get it. What happens when she gets bookings and the man turns up to find she looks completely different from the pictures? Why would anyone using pictures of Kcup breasts then say they were an e cup? It’s all a big mystery to me, but I suppose all this foolishness provides some light relief on these dark and rainy November days..

Am on a bit of a roll today with the blogging.  It beats booking hotels in London, which is what I should be doing at the moment.  It’s one of my least favourite tasks.  Why is that, you may ask? (unless you have to stay in London hotels yourself, in which case there’s no point reading any more because you know what am about to say). Quite simply, they are overpriced and crap.  In Liverpool, Manchester, Glasgow, Leeds, Rome, Paris and Frankfurt I have stayed in wonderful hotels. Large rooms, huge comfy beds, beautiful bathrooms, thick carpets etc etc, all for around £70 to £100 a night.  You may think that booking a 4 star hotel for around £150 a night in London will guarantee a fairly decent room. Wrong! Most of them appear not to have been decorated since about 1980.  The lobbies and bar areas may be glorious, but all fur coat and no knickers springs to mind when you open your room door (if you can find it your room, that is) and find yourself in something little bigger than a cupboard, with curtains that don’t close, air conditioning that doesn’t work properly, windows that are sealed shut,  showers that drip and gurgle through the night,  an old tv with 5 channels if you’re lucky and wifi that costs around £20 to access for 24 hours.  Foolishly I’ve been known to go and have a coffee or a glass of wine at my hotel bar. How on earth someone on the minimum wage can bring themselves to ask for £7 for a glass of wine that costs around £3.99 a bottle in my local off licence is beyond me.

Kitkat from my minibar? That’ll  be £3.50 to you Sir. ..

Well I wasn’t really, but I love the phrase so I decided to use it. More a case of words coming back to  bite me on the bum..I have been known to be critical of women in this business who don’t take it seriously. They don’t answer their phone or emails, they make up excuses not to fulfill bookings and so on and so forth. Or, most stupidly in my opinion, they forget their work phone!!  Oh yes indeedy, after a week made up largely of timewasters and cancellations, I head off down the M56 in the lashing rain for an outcall to an hotel at Manchester Airport. Just as I pass the ‘Manchester Airport 5 miles’ sign and am congratulating myself that I’m going to arrive in plenty of time for once,  I have one of those horrible stomach churning moments. I have no recollection of popping my work phone into my bag. I know I’ve left it behind. I have no way of contacting my client.  No point turning round and going back to get it, as it would take me too long and in any case the next motorway turn off is the airport.  My only hope is that someone’s at home and can get the number off my phone. No such luck.  Sit there for half an hour outside the hotel, wondering if the client will maybe email me or try to contact me in some way that I can access on my private phone, but not being blessed with psychic powers, he just thinks I haven’t bothered to turn up. Eventually give up, turn round and go home and find the phone sitting innocently in front of the computer.  19 missed calls, not just from the hotel client, but also from the chap I was seeing at my incall place in Manchester after the hotel booking. AAARRRGGHH!

In my defence, I was somewhat preoccupied with worrying about my car, as someone had tried to steal it the previous day and damaged the door and the ignition. But still, sheer stupidity.

I consoled myself with the knowledge I had a booking the next morning with someone in Bury who has tried to see me lots of times with no success as I haven’t been available  for one reason or another at the times he’s wanted to see me.   I had agreed to phone him to confirm on Saturday morning.   Pick up phone to do just that and realise that his number has disappeared from my ‘recent calls’ list and I haven’t saved it anywhere.  He doesn’t ring me, presumably assuming that after all  I can’t make it. Hopefully he’s reading this…..

It’s been awhile since I last posted, tut tut! I’ve been to Frankfurt and London and Leeds in the last few weeks.  I wasn’t very impressed with Frankfurt, especially as it closes on a Monday! Spent hours trailing round trying to find a restaurant that was open for dinner. The streets were deserted, the odd restaurant that was actually open was also deserted and it all seemed a bit desolate. Very strange compared to somewhere like London, which is buzzing all the time. I have to admit that the misery was lessened slightly by the fact that I was being driven round the empty streets in a convertible jag, which is a truly wonderful car . The driver was quite nice too! All in all I had a good time and it was good to see one of my London clients who happens to be working in Germany at the moment as well as a couple of local men. Must make a note to learn a bit of German for next time thought. Whilst it’s true that most people speak English, one of my clients only spoke a tiny amount and it’s quite difficult to get around and read menus etc when your knowledge of the language extends to about 10 words

Anyway I stayed in a great hotel – all glass as you can see from the pic. Had a very interesting last night, chatting in English and Spanish to various people in the bar which was packed with people from all over the world.  Sat with a woman from the US who was lobbying to bring an end to the proliferation of Chemical and Biological weapons. She was verrry drunk, celebrating a victory she had had with a German big business consortium that day, which she told me  ( through tears ) had brought the world a small step forward towards peace. I couldn’t leave her to celebrate alone could I? We shared a bottle of wine and drank to a more peaceful future for us all.  She was fascinated by my chest and the men in the bar were fascinated by us so it turned out to be very entertaining all round. I got to bed around 1 am (alone!) and in the morning swam and sauna-ed my hangover off in the pool on the top floor of the hotel – amazing to be in the pool with a view of the city and surrounding forest through the glass.

All in all,  I’d like to visit Germany again I think. Everyone tells me there are cities that are a lot more fun that Frankfurt, but really I’m a southern European  kinda gal.  Which reminds me, a trip to Florence is on the agenda..